I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
