its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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