I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
