stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
