Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
