I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
