I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
