Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
