seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
