I cockslap morals
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
