Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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