I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
