Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
