My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
