I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
