I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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