Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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