I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
