I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
