Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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