i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize