So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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