It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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