Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize