Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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