Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
