But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
