dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
