OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
