I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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