what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
