by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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