doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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