One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
