Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
