All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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