just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
