I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everclear isn't food dammit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
