Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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