Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
