can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
