Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
