I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
