No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
