Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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