pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I am midnight drunk by noon
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
