After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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