omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize