I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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