I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize