I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
