Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
