I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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