so that wasnt chicken after all
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Life is so much better after having sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
