Pappa wants mamma naked
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is my gift to your gina
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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