I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
