i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
