Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
