it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
