How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
