"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize