By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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