would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
