i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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