Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
