I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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