Don't make out with my wife yet
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
