I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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