If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
