This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
