its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
