Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
