He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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