My friends, they love my intelligence
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
