i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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