First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
